Man he's funnier then a a monkey with bar of soap.

Seariously. He is. Whom you might ask? well this dude that sent me an email and came to bismarck one day and decided to talk and be funny. Oh yeah this was in an email promoting his new CD/DVD. Although I left that part out. Here it tis:

D A R E N   S T R E B L O W ' S   C O M E D Y   M E M O



Tuesday, September 07, 2004



IN THIS ISSUE...  DOLLAR STORES REVISITED - TV TAPING - NEW DVD - SHOWS 



====



DOLLAR STORES REVISITED

by Daren Streblow



I love making CDs and DVDs.  I hope they don't end up in Dollar Stores someday.

That would be embarrassing.  Dollar Stores are like the Garage Sales of Retail

-- the Islands of Misfit Merchandise.   They sell sporks there and you know how

I feel about those.



There are dollar stores.  And there are also 99 cent stores.  So now you have a

choice:  Economy or luxury.   You gonna pinch that penny or you gonna

spluuuuurrrrrrrrge?



There are no price tags on anything, which makes you feel uneasy.  You worry

that you are going to be taken advantage of.



TELLER:  "Nope!  Surprise!  It's $700.  Nope... $700 for the toothbrush.  No,

it's too late now, you're already at the counter.  Pay up!"



Did you know that you can buy computer software at the dollar store?  For a

dollar? That doesn't work?  I used to have to pay $10 for software that didn't

work.  I saved $9.  They have an incredible selection for my Commodore 64.



I got excited.  I found a nice appointment calendar for $1.  But it was for last

year.



Now, there is a tool for highly-effective people.  Write down an appointment...

be instantly late.  	365 days late!



I suppose you could use it as an excuse.  "I don't know how I could have missed

your organ recital Tommy.  I wrote it on my new calendar.  It's a mystery."



I bought a Spider Man Pez there.  I thought, "You don't belong at a Dollar

Store, Little Fellah."  I was wrong.



First of all, it took me a half-hour to load the semiautomatic candy dispenser.

Second, to call it "candy" is sort of an overstatement.  It's like a stale Tang

briquette.



I think that's why they came up with this marketing strategy.  I would have

liked to see that meeting... 



CEO:	"Gentlemen, everyone hates our candy.  Any ideas?"

CEO:	"Fitzsimmons?"

FITZSIMMONS:	"Yeah... what if we had it pop out of a cartoon character's neck?"

CEO:  "Brilliant!  It's so disturbing.... they'll forget the gross candy.  We

shall RULE the Dollar Stores!"



I'm sure they didn't get the neck idea from the comic books.



SOME GUY:  "Spidey... look up!  It's Doc Oc!"

SPIDEY:  "Where?" CLICK!

SPIDEY:  "Um... could you get this candy? Otherwise I'm stuck."





So, I've decided I have to keep my CDs and DVDs out of Dollar Stores at all

costs.  I'm going to do this through creative titles.  So, be looking for my new

CD, "$15 and Not a Penny Less."



And my new DVD "This Is Funnier When You Buy It From a Real Record Store"



And my new book, "If You Don't See a Price Tag On This, You Win the Rest of the

Store For Free!"



"But avoid the software."



Yeah I like it.  Well that's pretty much all I have to say.  Bye bye.